4 Ways To Raise ‘Emotionally Intelligent’ Kids—By A Psychologist

Many parents dream of giving their children a childhood better than their own. They want to break generational cycles, avoid their own parents’ mistakes and raise children who feel loved, secure and capable of navigating the world with confidence.

But parenting isn’t just about providing, protecting or disciplining. It’s also about teaching one skill that shapes a child’s future more than grades or talents—emotional intelligence.

Why does it go unnoticed? Because emotional intelligence is learned, not something children develop naturally. If parents were never taught how to understand and regulate their own emotions, teaching their children to do so can be challenging.

So, what do parents who raise emotionally intelligent kids do differently? Here are four research-backed parenting habits that lay the foundation for a child’s emotional well-being.

1. Teaching Children To Recognize Their Emotions

Imagine your child comes home in tears after an argument with a friend. Your instinct might be to say, “Don’t be upset, just ignore them,” but that dismisses their feelings. Emotionally intelligent parents guide their children to identify and name their emotions instead of suppressing them.

This process—called “affect labeling”—has been shown to reduce emotional distress and improve emotional regulation. Research published in Emotion Review found that naming emotions engages the brain’s regulatory processes, making overwhelming feelings easier to manage.

Another 2022 study published in PLoS ONE found that affect labeling helps regulate emotions regardless of when it’s done—whether immediately or after a delay. However, the study also revealed that emotional intensity matters. Labeling emotions is most effective in high-intensity situations, while in lower-intensity moments, it may sometimes amplify distress.

This means parents don’t need to rush children into naming their emotions in every situation. Instead, they can observe, validate and guide their child when they are ready.

Here’s how to help children understand their emotions better:

• Label emotions in everyday situations. When reading a book or watching a movie, ask, “What do you think that character is feeling?”
• Use “I see” statements. Acknowledge their emotions by saying, for example: “I see you’re frustrated. Do you want to talk about it?”
• Offer choices for emotions. If a child struggles to express their feelings, help refine: “Do you feel sad or frustrated?”
• Practice when emotions are calm. Have these discussions outside of emotionally intense moments.
• Model affect labeling. Show them how it’s done. You might say: “I feel disappointed because things didn’t go as planned, but I’ll try again tomorrow” or “I’m really excited about this news! It makes me feel hopeful about what’s coming next.”

Once children can recognize their emotions, the next step is learning how to navigate challenges without relying on their parents to fix everything for them.

2. Offering Guidance Rather Than Removing Obstacles

It’s natural to want to step in and solve every problem your child faces—whether it’s tying their shoes, fixing schoolwork or resolving playground conflicts. But resilient kids aren’t the ones who never struggle; they’re the ones who learn to navigate challenges on their own.

Emotionally intelligent parents guide their children toward solutions rather than fixing everything for them. When a child faces a conflict, instead of saying, “Just stop playing with them,” they ask, “What do you think is the best way to handle this?” This approach fosters problem-solving skills, self-trust and emotional resilience.

A 2023 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that authoritative parenting—marked by warmth, structure and guidance—helps children develop stronger problem-solving skills. Parents who encouraged independent thinking rather than providing direct solutions raised children who were more confident and capable of handling challenges.

Here’s how to guide rather than fix things for your child:

• Ask open-ended questions. Instead of giving direct solutions, ask: “What do you think would work best here?”
• Encourage brainstorming. Help them list possible solutions and weigh the pros and cons.
• Validate their emotions. Even if no solution is clear, acknowledge their feelings: “That sounds frustrating. I can see why you’re upset.”
• Support, but don’t rescue. Offer guidance while letting them take the lead in problem-solving.
• Praise effort, not just outcomes. Reinforce growth by recognizing attempts: “I love how you thought through that problem.”

By allowing children to work through challenges with support rather than interference, they develop confidence and the ability to handle future struggles independently.

3. Regulating Emotions Instead Of Reacting Impulsively

Children often learn emotional regulation not from what parents tell them, but from what they watch their parents do. A 2019 study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that parents who struggle with emotion regulation—such as suppressing emotions or lacking emotional awareness—also have difficulty understanding their child’s emotions.

This reduced ability to reflect and respond thoughtfully can lead to reactive parenting, making it harder for children to develop self-regulation skills. If parents react impulsively when stressed, children learn to do the same. However, when children watch adults manage emotions calmly, they mirror those behaviors and develop stronger emotional control.

Here’s how to model emotional regulation:

• Pause before reacting. Take a deep breath before responding to frustration.
• Acknowledge your emotions. Say: “I feel overwhelmed right now, so I’m taking a moment to breathe.”
• Use calming techniques. Demonstrate deep breathing, stretching or stepping away for a minute.
• Apologize when needed. If you react poorly, model accountability: “I was frustrated earlier, and I’m sorry. I’ll handle it differently next time.”

When children see that emotions aren’t something to fear but to manage, they develop the confidence to navigate life’s challenges. However, for this confidence to take root, they need an environment where their emotions are heard and respected.

4. Creating A Safe Space For Emotional Expression

Children need to feel that their emotions matter. When their feelings are routinely dismissed with phrases like “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not a big deal,” they may start suppressing emotions rather than learning how to regulate them.

A 2024 study published in Developmental Science found that parents who validated their children’s emotions had children with higher persistence levels, a key trait linked to long-term success. The study examined 150 parents and found that children whose emotions were acknowledged without judgment displayed greater persistence in tasks.

In a follow-up experiment, preschoolers who received emotional validation persisted significantly longer on a frustrating task than those who were invalidated or received no feedback.

Here’s how to create an emotionally safe environment:

• Listen without judgment. Instead of dismissing feelings, say: “That sounds tough. I hear you.”
• Avoid toxic positivity. Instead of “Just be happy,” try: “It’s okay to feel sad. Do you want to talk about it?”
• Encourage open conversations. Ask: “What’s on your mind today?” without immediately trying to fix things.
• Respect their emotional process. Let them experience and sit with their emotions instead of immediately distracting them.

When children feel safe expressing emotions, they develop emotional resilience that lasts long into adulthood. Raising emotionally intelligent and resilient kids isn’t about preventing hardship—it’s about equipping them with the skills to navigate it. The habits parents build today don’t just shape childhood, but create a lifelong foundation for their children to thrive.