7 Patterns Of Long-Lasting Relationships, According To A Couples Therapist

Nicole LePera—a renowned couples therapist with over 10 million followers across Instagram, TikTok, and X—identified seven behavioral patterns of longstanding couples. Here’s how they make it work—and you can, too.

1. Be each other’s friend

People in lasting couples genuinely valued spending time with one another, LePera says on X. “They were excited to come home to each other and catch up after a long day,” her tweet read. “They liked doing little things together. Friendship was the basis of their relationship.”

2. Navigate dark times together

Just because couples stayed together for the long haul, that doesn’t mean they didn’t have difficult periods where they even questioned the relationship. Facing adversity didn’t derail them, however. Instead, it helped them build resilience, LePera says.

Couples that lasted had overcome difficult periods that placed them at crossroads—causing them to even question the relationship. What’s key in those situations is that they chose to stay together and work through it, coming out stronger for it.

“This established trust,” LePera wrote in a tweet.

3. Make light of each other’s quirks

Sometimes, our quirks can become our biggest insecurities. Whether that’s an obsession with a certain book series or having a strict 10-step skincare routine, those little things we do make us unique—and the best partners will appreciate those attributes as part of us.

In recognizing those quirks, LePera says, partners even made lighthearted acknowledgments but were never hypercritical.

“Even if they were at times annoying,” she says.

4. Don’t try to change your partner

LePera has this advice for all the people who say, “But I can change them”: Don’t. It’s not just enough to embrace their quirks: if you want a lasting relationship with someone, you have to accept and love them for who they are.

“There was a base level of respect and admiration,” LePera says. “This freedom brought out the best parts of each of them.”

5. Fight right

It’s okay to get on each other’s nerves every now and then—just make sure you know how to fight in a healthy way.

“They knew how to navigate conflict, bounce back, and move forward,” LePera tweeted.

6. Have difficult conversations

LePera observed that couples in strong long-term relationships didn’t shy away from tough conversations, even if their perspectives were challenged. In fact, being open to one another’s viewpoint was key to growing from those difficult exchanges.

Regular communication—without avoidance or denial when tough topics arose—was key.

But what made those interactions even better, LePera notes, was emotional regulation, which ensures “conversations rarely [become] explosions.”

7. Create boundaries with family

Family dynamics are often difficult to manage as you and your partner become more integrated in one another’s lives. But according to LePera, family boundaries are important for the health of your relationship.

She observes that strong couples “put the relationship first and had clear boundaries with family.”

That can look like choosing not to vent about your relationship issues to your family or not making decisions based on what your family would want, LePera wrote in her tweet. 

“They did what was best for their partnership, together,” she says.