Fortune Well September 16, 2024
Lifestyle
From financial challenges to work stressors, there are countless pressures on modern marriages. But there are plenty of couples who manage to have healthy, happy, lasting relationships despite these common strains.
Nicole LePera—a renowned couples therapist with over 10 million followers across Instagram, TikTok, and X—identified seven behavioral patterns of longstanding couples. Here’s how they make it work—and you can, too.
People in lasting couples genuinely valued spending time with one another, LePera says on X. “They were excited to come home to each other and catch up after a long day,” her tweet read. “They liked doing little things together. Friendship was the basis of their relationship.”
Just because couples stayed together for the long haul, that doesn’t mean they didn’t have difficult periods where they even questioned the relationship. Facing adversity didn’t derail them, however. Instead, it helped them build resilience, LePera says.
Couples that lasted had overcome difficult periods that placed them at crossroads—causing them to even question the relationship. What’s key in those situations is that they chose to stay together and work through it, coming out stronger for it.
“This established trust,” LePera wrote in a tweet.
Sometimes, our quirks can become our biggest insecurities. Whether that’s an obsession with a certain book series or having a strict 10-step skincare routine, those little things we do make us unique—and the best partners will appreciate those attributes as part of us.
In recognizing those quirks, LePera says, partners even made lighthearted acknowledgments but were never hypercritical.
“Even if they were at times annoying,” she says.
LePera has this advice for all the people who say, “But I can change them”: Don’t. It’s not just enough to embrace their quirks: if you want a lasting relationship with someone, you have to accept and love them for who they are.
“There was a base level of respect and admiration,” LePera says. “This freedom brought out the best parts of each of them.”
It’s okay to get on each other’s nerves every now and then—just make sure you know how to fight in a healthy way.
“They knew how to navigate conflict, bounce back, and move forward,” LePera tweeted.
LePera observed that couples in strong long-term relationships didn’t shy away from tough conversations, even if their perspectives were challenged. In fact, being open to one another’s viewpoint was key to growing from those difficult exchanges.
Regular communication—without avoidance or denial when tough topics arose—was key.
But what made those interactions even better, LePera notes, was emotional regulation, which ensures “conversations rarely [become] explosions.”
Family dynamics are often difficult to manage as you and your partner become more integrated in one another’s lives. But according to LePera, family boundaries are important for the health of your relationship.
She observes that strong couples “put the relationship first and had clear boundaries with family.”
That can look like choosing not to vent about your relationship issues to your family or not making decisions based on what your family would want, LePera wrote in her tweet.
“They did what was best for their partnership, together,” she says.
Stay up to date on the latest real estate trends.
September 18, 2024
If you had 20% of your time back at work each day, how would you spend it?
September 18, 2024
Residential real estate is a large asset class with a strong impact on the economy as a whole.
September 18, 2024
Mortgage rates have hit their lowest point in over a year and a half.
September 18, 2024
September 17, 2024
MICHELIN announced a second wave of top picks for the best hotels in the U.S. and also revealed its selections for a prestigious group of luxury hotels in Canada and M… Read more
September 17, 2024
Generation Z—currently aged 15 to 29—is growing up, and the eldest are ready to rent their own home.
We Guide Homeowners through the complicated process of selling their home using our 4 Phase Selling Process and 3 Prong Marketing Strategy that alleviates their stress and moves them effortlessly to their next destination. Schedule a 15 Minute Complimentary Strategy Session Today