How To Help Your Kids Express The Hard Stuff

How do you help children process difficult situations, such as a serious illness in the family or troubling events they may encounter online or on social media like the devastation caused by the California wildfires?

Getting kids to open up can feel like a victory, especially when everyday conversations are tough. But when life throws challenges your way, communicating with your child becomes even more crucial. Friends of Karen—a nonprofit supporting children with life-threatening illnesses founded in 1978—guides families through these challenges daily. Its mission is to provide emotional, financial and advocacy support for children and their families to keep them stable, functioning, and able to cope.

While the organization serves families with a child diagnosed with pediatric cancer or another life-threatening illness and its work often involves extreme circumstances, its skilled team of social workers, Certified Child Life Specialists, and Licensed/Board Certified Creative Arts Therapists can help any parent navigate difficult conversations with their children.

Here’s how to help your kids express their emotions and build resilience.

Share The Right Amount of Information

Parents often want to shield their kids from sadness, but children sense when something is wrong. Hiding difficult news can leave them filling in the gaps with their imagination, sometimes conjuring scenarios worse than reality.

Children engage in “magical thinking” to make sense of the world, often blaming themselves for events they can’t control. For instance, a child might think, If I’d behaved better, my little brother wouldn’t be sick. This self-blame can lead to guilt and shame.

At the same time, parents may inadvertently say too much, overwhelming their child. The key is finding the balance: protecting their peace of mind while offering honest, age-appropriate information.

Pro tip: Start by asking what your child knows about a situation to correct misinformation. Be honest, but adjust your language to their age. For younger kids, use clear, simple explanations—avoid euphemisms like “Grandma is sleeping now.” Instead, say, “Grandma died, which means her body stopped working.”

Connection Promotes Communication

A strong connection fosters a sense of belonging and trust, making kids more likely to share their thoughts and feelings. As the saying goes, “Connect before you correct.”

Connection doesn’t require hours of undivided attention. Even brief, focused moments can strengthen your bond.

Pro tip: Be fully present- children can sense when you’re distracted. Snuggle up for a 7-minute Bluey episode, share “highs and lows” at dinner, or let your teen choose a show or activity—even if it’s not your favorite. Show your kids they’re seen, heard, and loved. The benefits of truly connecting with your children are tenfold, as you will be reminded that these are some of the best moments of parenting.

Validate Their Feelings

When kids express tough emotions, it’s tempting to downplay or distract them. But validating their feelings helps them process and cope, building resilience.

Instead of saying, “Get over it” or “Don’t be so dramatic,” try, “That makes sense,” or “I understand; that must be hard.” Validation isn’t coddling—it gives kids the emotional tools to face future challenges.

Pro tip: Families at Friends of Karen often face life-altering changes due to a child’s diagnosis. A simple acknowledgment, like, “I know our family has been through a lot, and it’s been hard for me too. I’m here for you,” can make a child feel understood and open the door for dialogue. From there, you can work together to improve the situation. For current events like the California wildfires, you can reassure your child by saying, “I understand that something like a social media post can make you feel scared, but we have a fire escape plan for the family we can practice, and we can go to Uncle Frank’s house if there is an emergency like that.”

Use Play and Creativity to Express Emotions

For children, play is their natural way of processing the world. Creativity—through art, music, dance, or writing—is a powerful outlet for emotions, especially when words fall short.

As kids grow older, they may become more self-conscious about their artistic abilities, but their need for self-expression remains high. Encouraging creative activities can be a lifeline, particularly during difficult times.

Pro tip: To tackle tough topics, incorporate play or creative tools. For example, Friends of Karen’s team uses art therapy, bibliotherapy using educational books and other creative modalities to help children understand big feelings or medical diagnoses. Tools in the form of self-expression such as medical play and art can provide a safe space for kids to express themselves when talking feels overwhelming,

Siobhan Casey is a board-certified and Licensed Creative Arts Therapist at Friends of Karen, which provides financial, advocacy, and emotional support to families in the metro tristate area. She has postgraduate training in grief counseling and specializes in grief and loss, medically fragile children and their siblings, depression, anxiety and life transitions in children and adolescents.